Thursday, April 8, 2010

Vanilla Christ


Elizabeth, NJ is a big city, and when I was a kid ‘hip-hop’ was really popular, it still is in Elizabeth. If you know me now, as an adult, the thought of me bobbing my head to Jay Z would cause you to laugh and point at me. When I was about eight, it was the LL Cool J, Kris Kross, and Vanilla Ice era for me. I was blasting “Ice, Ice Baby” while getting dressed for my first day of church. This was to be the cure for the insane nightmares that were plaguing my sleep (The devil dressed as the crazy, cartoon leprechaun drowning me in his Lucky Charms, while screaming ‘Suck on my marshmallows Michael! Suck them!’).

It was a nice sized chapel filled with smiling faces. I remember thinking, their faces are smiling but their eyes look really angry. Then, this ordinary looking man, Pastor Nick, turned out to be some kind of wizard. He said that he 'knew' god personally, and that god was always talking about me.

MICHAEL
What does he say?

PASTOR NICK
He wants to know why you never let him in.

MICHAEL
Tell him I live on Berwick Street, my room's upstairs, he could come find me whenever he wants.

PASTOR NICK
He's tried Michael, but YOU didn't let him in.

MICHAEL
I didn’t? Well, I’m sorry.

PASTOR NICK
He's always there. Always knocking. Right outside of your heart.

MICHAEL
I can't feel him at all.

PASTOR NICK
You need to try harder son.

I could feel my mother boiling over with frustration until finally…

MOM
Michael paleease try baby. Iss either Jesus or El Diablo Michael.
You can only choose one.

I searched and searched inside my heart. There was just nothing. Had Jesus given up on me? I started crying, and everyone around me thought my tears were a sign of Christ’s presence. Finally, I was so exhausted, that I saw the face of Jesus. And he looked just like Vanilla Ice, with a thin line of facial hair and the letters JC buzzed into the side of his head. And he was singing, “Christ, Christ baby, ding-ding-ding-di-di-ding-ding.” And I screamed, “I feel him! I feel him in my heart! Break it down JC!”

2 comments:

  1. Really good stuff Michael! Keep it up buddy!

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  2. I don't even remember the rap phase when you were that young! But I guess we all got sucked in to bad music in that era. For me it was dancing around to NKOTB when I was 5.

    Is it possible you introduced me to Green Day? We would have been ten...

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